I understand how you feel! I stopped riding when I went to uni 15 years ago and got back into last year and took a handsome 4 yr old TB X on loan a few of months ago, I was nervous to start with then had a bad fall (my fault more than his and I broke 3 ribs) and it took me weeks to get back on once allowed and get riding again but I started with small steps and spent a lot of time getting to know him, the first time I got back on I could only manage 10 mins of walk with a tiny trot, but we ended on a positive and it was an achievement! 

I still have my nerves but always try to remember what we've achieved together and that we've enjoyed it along the way and managed to jump a clear round of ickle jumps on Friday! Just take your time, breathe and talk to him (daft voice optional) and people around you, you care enough to ask for advice so thats a huge start :)

Thank you soo much everyone for all your help. I am new to this site too and feeling so low and negative thought it was worth a try and I'm glad I did. I feel much more positive now and have some really good ideas and strategies to try. I will keep everyone posted as to how things are progressing :-) x