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You are in... Forums > Welcome To Your Horse Forum > The Yard > A little put out

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SilverLinedCloud

Joined:

Sep 11

Posts: 80

A little put out

 Well I've met a very nice girl of my age (16) who is very keen on animals and horses, she used to ride at a stables etc. several years ago before she moved to Bath which is were I'm located. She's really up for helping out and she's great to have a good natter with, however she's slightly space-invasive. 

I took her out for a ride several weeks back and she was very competant but, inexperienced. She's come up several times since to give me a hand with things which is lovely, I can tell though that she is really hankering for another ride. She always asks if I'm riding, especially now it's the holidays. I would say yes and she can come if Frankie wasn't out of action (he sprained something galloping around the field) and we both had a horse to ride.  Not that I mind sharing, but so far I've barely got to ride Roxy myself, for although I've had her a good few months I've only been able to ride at weekends due to these dreadful winter evenings. 

On Sunday afternoon I came back from schooling Roxy at a nearby menage to find that she was in my field, and yesterday I had said she was welcome to come up, when she arrived I was round the back but I discovered that she had let herself into the unlocked but closed shed and had come out with a handful of hay for Frankie. Now I think I'm overeacting by getting fussed about this, she's really, really nice, I just feel slightly put out by the fact she's making my space hers. Is that selfish? I want to be welcoming and help those who are not as fortunate as to own thier own horse, but niether do I wan't some one up at the field with me all the time. It's were I go for peace and quite. What would you feel and do in my situation, granted she's a very, very nice person. 

 

I'm sorry for this ranty post just feeling slightly peeved but also really guilty for feeling peeved, I know I should not be such a grumpy git. 

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Cocosmom

Joined:

Jan 09

Posts: 2546

Cocosmom says:

Re: A little put out

Its a tricky one but I understand how you feel. I would love some more company up at my stables and someone to natter with but wouldn't want them to be up there all the time partly because I am busy up there a lot of the time and partly coz its my time with my boy! I I am also very very protective about how Coco is handled, what he is fed, his management regime and my rules such as tit bits etc so wouldn;t be happy if anyone was feeding him hay or over feeding tit bits without asking me first!

 

I guess if you want her help and want her around you shoudl have a chat to her about how things work with your horses, i.e. you are in charge of all feeding and she will have to respect your wishes. You could also agree an informal arrangement such as she comes up 3 times a week on set days so you know you have your own time up there on the other days. If you genuinely dont want to share your horses ( and there is nothing wrong with that) then you will need to have a chat to her and explain its lovely to see and have a chat occasionally when she pops up, but you aren't really looking for a formal sharer for your horses so you can manage her expectations.

 

 

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kevinhiatt

Joined:

Aug 10

Posts: 5620

kevinhiatt says:

Re: A little put out

I know how you feel, but please be aware that we all can be taken in and before you know it that are taking over and you feel the horse etc is not yours, and in your case hope not so, but  unfortunately I have been taken in and others on yards I know and on the one I am on now. Something must be worring you and alarm bells ringing as these small things start to add up so watch out, as can build up into a nasty row which makes you feel rotton and its all your fault etc but in the end its your horse, being nice and helping people and feeling sorry for people has its downside we get used and taken for mugs, this is from personal experience unfortunately but it has not stopped me helping if I can.

[This Reply has been modified by the Author]

Gypsy Gold does not chink & glitter.It gleams in the sun and neighs in the dark.Tonka & Lara my beautiful horses RIP, Nelson,Chloe & Kitty the cats.

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SuzyA

Joined:

Mar 09

Posts: 810

SuzyA says:

Re: A little put out

Sounds to me like you need to set some boundaries in place.  If you're happy to have her around, then it needs to be on your terms.  I completely understand what you're saying, and would feel exactly the same way.  Agree some mutually convenient times when you would be happy for her to visit, and what she can and can't do.  It can sometimes feel a bit strange doing this, but once you have then you can move forward in a pleasant way and look forward to this girl visiting rather than being annoyed when she visits by suprise.

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SilverLinedCloud

Joined:

Sep 11

Posts: 80

Re: A little put out

 Thanks guuyss, naaah you really know what to say. She walks her lovely labrador in the afternoons as it's the hols at the moment and so I see her around feeding time, I'm just trying to make it clear that she's very welcome to come and chat and help if she wants but I have things I need to do. Today, she asked me when we could go for a ride, I told her that I will be riding most days but I will often go out spontaniously when I have time in the day, and so it's quite hard to organise. But, I would like to take her for a ride as I know she will enjoy it immensly so I said we will arrange a date soon.

And Suzy A, I think that's why I haven't had a chat with her, it just feels so strange to do so. I think everything will chill out once the term starts up. Thanks again  x

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jayne.prince

Joined:

Aug 05

Posts: 21

jayne.prince says:

Re: A little put out

i think its hard when youve got your own routine and ways of doing things. but im sure it will all work out in the end and youll find something to suit both of you x

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