Re: Loss of confidence and when do you know its time to quit?

I'm so sorry that you had such a miserable hack, your instructor is out of order and has no empathy atall ! Do you have another stables nearby, maybe it's time for a change. If not ask if you can have a chat with her and explain again about your illness and you may need a bit more time set aside for your next hack. don't let this episode spoil your enjoyment and don't give up ! Is there anyone who needs their horse exercising, maybe you could part loan a private horse. Whereabouts are you ? I'm in Essex and you would always be welcome to hack out on my fab safe Welsh D. Good luck, let us know how you get on XX

Re: Loss of confidence and when do you know its time to quit?

I'm so sorry you've had this sort of reaction from your riding instructor. My dad suffers from ME and some people's inability to recognise and sympathise with his illness (and the way it allows him to do certain things and not others and has good days and bad days) is something that I really struggle not to get angry at.

I would agree with the others that I think another riding school might be the way to go - there is no reason why your enjoyment of riding and hacking out should be in any way hampered by anyone making you uncomfortable and pressured. I definitely don't think you should allow your confidence to be dented and consider giving up on the basis of this. If you can physically manage a hack - be it an hour or a little less - and you enjoy it there should be a riding school / sharer / trekking centre where you can do this, build up your riding and confidence and enjoy the horses without any negatives.

Really hope you find this and enjoy your time with the horses, very best of luck. x

Re: Loss of confidence and when do you know its time to quit?

Thanks guys for your advice. My problem is that she's the owner. Its a small school. The other main teacher is the co-owner and there's a third teacher but she's not there that often. I'd switched and started going there in May this year after plateauing at my last school. Since starting there she'd put me in the lunge rein a few times to work on my canter. I'd since started cantering on my own. Not perfect but was getting there. Her personality is abit brusque and she demands hard work from her pupils but Sat last week I felt was out of order. I thought she understood especially when she said she taught another lady who's got M.E. although that lady can't do as much as I can. When you consider that in 2003/4 I spent four months where I could only walk for an hour a day to be working full time, studying part time and riding even if its only 30 mins once a week is a massive achievement for me. Yes I do get stressed and it does impact in to my M.E. which is why I don't have a riding lesson during the week days. By the time I've finished work I have no energy and am certainly in no position to be riding a horse so I save it for the weekend when my batteries have recharged and I know I can cope. My right hand's okay now, but one of my left hand fingers is still healing and has got quite a sizeable scar on it. I've also been feeling quite green with it since the weekend and feel sick at the thought of riding at this place on Sat. I want to go back and conquer this hurdle on Sat but at the moment I'm thinking I should cancel. There's pressure when I try and bend that finger, its the speed with which its healing. I've been practicing my rein hold position to see whether I could cope and am also v. aware of the 48 hr cancellation policy so if I'm going to make that call I need to do it by 9am at the latest on Thurs. At the moment I think I could cope with walk and trot but not canter.

I wouldn't have minded but while I've not been riding that long (only started last Mar) I am responsible enough to know that because of my medical condition I do carry a mobile on me when hacking. I would have happily given her it to use if she'd wanted to call the yard and let them know we were going to be late. I'm based in Bedfordshire and this is the third school I've been to since I started riding last Mar. The first which wasn't that far away from me I stopped going to after becoming concerned about the way they taught. The second I stopped going to after not progressing any further, which is why I'm where I'm at now. There is a place I've seen up at Buckden at Offord Cluny I think it is which I'm wondering whether to give a call and visit sometime. Its in the countryside, offers off road hacking and its got an indoor and outdoor menage. Its also registered with the RDA.

My aim when I started riding was to see how far I got and just enjoy it. While in my dreams I'd love to do cross country and jumps in reality just being able to canter confidently and do hacking is more than enough for me. Although I wouldn't mind trying jumping just once to say I'd had a go, if I ever got experienced to be in a position to try. I don't know if my M.E. will ever clear off but I'd really love to be able to build myself up where I could do hacks of 2 hours or more but at the moment I've managed to get myself up to an hour and I have coped with an hour 3 times no problems, last Sat was the exception and the first time I've felt really bad. I also love it when I get a 30 min action packed lesson when I've done walk, trot and canter with a mix of drills. But like you guys say, I need to find the right place for me x

Re: Loss of confidence and when do you know its time to quit?

Whee, you'll have a ball, honestly being "handled" by someone with experience in caring for the disabled, is so great for us. They know what to look for and how to stop us when we're pushing too hard.

When i went cycling yesterday I was having trouble walking in a straight line and there was none of this i'm in a hurry (he was running really late and dead busy!) jsut patiently lifted my feet into the things, strapped me in and then lectured me for the next 20 minutes on how i mustnt overdo it or i'd end up giving up!  Ithink i said before to you i've never experienced professional care before i started cycling and its so different, i hope that as your new school is an RDA school that they really get "it" and give you all the help you need when you want it. I am a great believer in making a joke out of not asking for help "no, no get away, when you see me go green thats when i need you!" sort of thing but i find personally that this enables me to squeak and the help materialises before you're aware you've squeaked!

I truly hope that your next experience is as positive as my current one.

I'm being firm with my OH as well, told him his friend rides my horse on Sat, as i need a recovery day after cycling so cant ride until Sunday, so we'll be back in the forest again on Sunday with a saddle that works and hopefully i wont end up walking home again!!

Re: Loss of confidence and when do you know its time to quit?

Went to the new stables this morning and got shown around; introduced to all the horses and ponies and where the indoor/outdoor school are. I had a long chat with the yard manager who was lovely. Turns out she used to be at the previous place so knows what it was like. She agreed that the instructor shouldn’t have taken out the horse that she had last weekend especially on the road, plus we should have headed back to the stables when it became clear my health was affecting my riding. So after a good natter we’ve got a start point.

I’ve got a lesson booked for next Sat. I’m going to ride Spencer. I explained I’d ridden a range of ponies/horses from 14.2hh to 18.3hh that they’ve been a mix of breeds and ranged from dozy to forward going. The yard manager asked me what sort of temperament I would like to ride. I said I didn’t mind as for me at the moment the biggest hurdle will be just getting back on a horse and not stressing. She completely agreed that at the moment what I need is a few sessions just ‘getting time in the saddle’ and then seeing where I go from there. While I’m not sure about my confidence at this stage I have to say I do feel happier after meeting Melissa (the yard manager) and having a look round Northbrook.

Northbrook itself is at the end of a road and has fields all around it, so v. little chance of doing a hack on the roads. One of the helpers said the usual route was to head out to the end of the road where the stables are (it’s a single track road and the stables is at the end and it peters out). Then the hack continues out in the fields. Fab. The only downside at the minute is that there isn’t a regular Sat instructor, but again Melissa said just see how it goes and we can review in a few weeks time and if I think I want the same instructor then we can look at the schedule as to when would be a good time for me to ride given my work and my health and the travelling to get to the stables. I did say about my M.E. and she said not a problem. There’s someone there who has M.E. as well and Melissa’s taught them, and said that there’s been times when they’ve said they can ride but they’re not up to much so Melissa’s not pressurised them but just let them do what they’re able to do which sometimes means just spending a lesson walking. Its good to know I wouldn’t be pushed beyond what I’m capable of then.

At the moment, I have to give Northbrook ‘two thumbs’ up for making me feel welcome, for the meet and greet round the stables, for taking the time to talk to me and listen, and for coming up with a plan to start getting my confidence back and what I need for my first lesson.